I remember waking up panicking, thinking about my first day of my coding bootcamp. Thinking to myself about all the exciting things I would learn, how difficult it was going to be, and how much I was sacrificing. It wasn’t long until I felt overwhelmed. I had second thoughts and felt like I was never going to make it. It wasn’t also long till I turned in my final project and was talking to some of my new friends about how happy I was done and how happy I was that I had actually finished. I had finished my jump into web development– and when I said that I couldn’t believe I had finished the bootcamp I meant it. I had so many doubts about myself. That I wasn’t intelligent enough to put together algorithms, not creative enough for meaningful CSS and GUI. Of all the things that I learned and all the changes that happened while I was in my coding bootcamp for six months, the biggest change was  a profound confidence, and that confidence grew from me not being afraid of making mistakes.

Let me step back a few months. To the week of my first assignment in my coding bootcamp. I was supposed to make a portfolio page. I wasn’t really grasping how floating worked in CSS, my HTML was sloppy, and I didn’t even know what an algo truly was. I got off work late, came home to pouring rain. That was the start of my night, I was still awake at 6am trying to figure out how to line up my navigation bar correctly. I had been awake all night just trying to line this freaking navigation bar up. I was doubting myself, afraid of making a mistake. I think I slept for maybe an hour, then it was time for me to push my assignment up to github, boy was that a struggle. I finally did it! I pushed my terribly written code up and had to get ready for my five hour class. I remember barely being able to stay awake that class learning bootstrap and seeing how easily a template could be used (rather than spending 6 or 7 hours developing my own frontend code). I was bitter, tired and I felt like I had failed. The truth is though everyone fails at web development at some point in time. The ever expanding universe of web development is always getting bigger and therefore no one can truly master the technology right away. I don’t remember when I came to this conclusion but realizing this really helped me advance in web development.

Fast forward a few weeks, I was no longer afraid of breaking my code and making mistakes. Something that always held me back in life. An all encompassing fear of being wrong and looking stupid. So I was stupid and I was wrong in class and you know what happened– I learned from it. Sometimes it hurt and I was embarrassed but I grew stronger. This newly gained self esteem, from failing, not only helped me grow in web development, it changed me. I wasn’t afraid to take on challenges at work. I was less afraid to enter melee tournaments or play with people. I was less afraid of being myself and doing things I enjoyed even at the expense of making a mistake or looking stupid.

Now, I return to my blog with an energy and drive to do more of what I want to do and share more with others, even if I don’t always look the brightest. Taking a coding bootcamp was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. I worked 12+ hour days, 7 days a week. I worked my ass off and truly struggled and didn’t always do my best. However, I’ve come out of the other end with a really awesome understanding of software and applications. A new found passion for programming and, I believe, stronger than ever not afraid of what “could go wrong” and a newfound openness not only with myself but with others. I’m excited to be back blogging and life in general. I’m also excited to begin streaming again and getting back into competitive melee. I’m just excited to test myself more challenge myself and be vulnerable at times rather than guarding myself from something that could end in embarrassment.  So you betta watch out for this socal pikachu who’s ready to take on the world of gaming and programming.